Rh Negative

I had an appointment with my OB/GYN yesterday. I got to pee in a cup (always fun for ladies), wrestle with a blood pressure cuff, and give a huge vial of blood. It was a great time!

In talking with my doctor, she revealed that my previous blood work indicated that I am Rh negative. Apparently about 13% of the population is Rh negative, and it really doesn't cause issues for anyone except pregnant people. If my baby is Rh positive, my Rh negative blood will produce antibodies that will attack my baby. We don't know at this point if the baby is Rh positive. There is a chance that Matt is Rh negative too, and then there's really nothing to worry about.

Actually - the doctor said there isn't anything to worry about anyway. There is medication that they will give me in my third trimester to prevent any issues that might occur. The doctor is not worried at all, so I won't worry either.

If you're interested in reading about this Rh negative business, check out this article.

The rest of our appointment was spent with the business office chatting about how much we get to pay for this little baby. We're planning on delivering at Methodist Hospital, because 1) it's a great hospital and 2) they have seriously awesome benefits for Methodist clergy there. Methodist will bill our insurance, and whatever isn't covered will be written off completely. COMPLETELY! Isn't that great? Too bad my doctor's bills aren't covered the same way.

We left feeling excited about our baby, our arms laden with more freebies from the doctor's office. The staff there is so sweet and caring and gentle. It was a great day!

This is your mother speaking...

My family is a little (a lot?) crazy. We fight big, we love big, we laugh big...it's exciting all the time. We like to poke fun at each other, and almost always have a good time together.

Because of all the goofing around, I think my mom always feels like she has to really make it clear when she's about to switch into "Mom Mode" and exert the power given to her by her position in our family. She usually does this by saying, "This is your mother speaking..." and then continuing on with her edict.

I got one such statement from my mom this morning on Facebook after I posted the link to last night's blog post. Here is what she had to say: "It is all going to be just fine. This is your mother speaking. Try enjoying this experience instead of worrying about it." Message received Mom!

I guess I should make it very clear that I AM enjoying this pregnancy most of the time. I am enjoying dreaming about our little baby. I love thinking about the nursery, and can't wait to get started on it. I like looking at baby clothes, imagining what it will be to put Squooshy's little feet into tiny socks and wrap his soft, clean little tushie in a diaper. I really am excited about it, and I love thinking about this baby inside of me.

HOWEVER: I'm not enjoying the nausea or the spotting that I have experienced. I just can't. The nausea is starting to get better, but when I see that little bit of blood, it makes me nervous.

I think I'll start enjoying the actual physical part of the pregnancy when I start to feel it! Right now I just feel tired, bloated, nauseous, and although I KNOW in my head that I'm feeling these things because I'm pregnant, it's not OBVIOUS to a part of my brain that I'm pregnant. When I start feeling those flutters, seeing that baby bump, etc....I think I'll REALLY start to enjoy being pregnant. Despite the ultrasounds I've seen, I think it will be so much more real when I begin to feel Squooshy growing and moving inside of me every day.

This is your daughter speaking: Mom - I'm okay! I promise...and I love you!

Last Week...

I know I didn't post much last week. Okay - I don't think I posted at all last week. I apologize for that...really! I was in Atlanta all last week for the PAUMCS Certification Institute. It was a great class, and I really enjoyed myself...even though I pushed my body a little too hard.

Tuesday last week I guess I pushed myself really hard, because the spotting came back that morning. I discovered it during a break in class, and it really shook me up. A couple ladies from the class took me over to the emergency room at Emory University Hospital where I spent quite a few hours getting poked, prodded, etc. I got through triage pretty quickly, but because the emergency room was really full, I was stuck in a bed in the hallway. I laid there as the really great nurses cared for me, got my info, drew blood, etc. Shortly after that, I was wheeled down for an ultrasound. On that trip down the hall, the fear totally took over. I rolled down that freezing cold hallway crying my eyes out. The nurse was so sweet. She just keep telling me that everything was going to be okay, hugging me, etc. I kept crying and shaking...so scared about what might be happening...wondering why God would bless us with this pregnancy just to rip it away.

Suddenly a calm came over me, and I was finally able to gather myself for the ultrasound. (I found out later that this was probably about the time our class was praying for me and the baby. Those girls can PRAY!) The technician was really kind, and she gave me lots of attention. I was able to spend some time looking at Squooshy, watching him move inside of me. It was fun to see him flutter as I shifted my position on the bed! I was sucked into the miracle on that black and white screen, but was startled when a weird noise filled the room.

"What is that?" I asked Bobbie. I thought the machine was malfunctioning or something.
"That's your baby's heart!"

Whoa.

Woosh-woosh-woosh-woosh-woosh-woosh

It was AWESOME!

There he (or she) was - alive, moving on the screen, blood pumping through his little heart! It was an amazing moment. I was suddenly very sad that Matt wasn't there too.

After a long day in the ER, I was allowed to go. Everything looked great. The ultrasound and pelvic exam showed nothing to be concerned about. The doctor just told me to take it easy. She said that some women just can't do normal activities when they're pregnant. I guess I get to be one of those women.

I know I keep going there with this pregnancy - to that place where I'm sure God has made a mistake, and will surely correct his error by ending this little life taking shape inside of my womb. Somehow I guess I can't believe that I deserve to become a mother. I can't believe that I would be so worthy of such a huge responsibility - of such a huge blessing. I think when you get to the heart of the matter, it's a trust issue. I have trouble trusting God. I can't believe how easy that is for me to admit! I should be able to trust him - with my life, my baby's life, my husband's life, etc. I feel so out of control with this pregnancy...and something inside of me is having trouble trusting that God IS in complete control.

The day after my adventure in the ER, I went with a great group of gals to Stone Mountain Park. They wanted to ride the lift to the top of the mountain, but I stayed at the bottom to rest a little. I sat among some big comfy rocks, and watched people from the shade.

A lot of families were there, and the young children all seemed to enjoy climbing the rocks, jumping from one to the next. One little girl, who was probably only 3 or 4, climbed up to the biggest rock. Her dad came up to the rock, and said, "Jump! I'll catch you!" She didn't even hesitate. She spread her arms wide open and flung herself off that rock into her daddy's waiting and capable arms. You could tell that they loved each other. You could see the pride and love exuding from the father's face, and the trust his young daughter placed in him was more than apparent.

As I watched this brief exchange, God seemed to break through my thoughts and remind me that HE loves me MORE than that father loves his daughter. That he wants me to TRUST him as I leap into motherhood. He wants me to trust him with the care of my baby. He is in complete control of Squooshy as his little body grows and his little spirit forms inside of me. Only God knows what is best for me, for Matt and for this child of ours. I pray that He sees fit to let us see this pregnancy through to fruition. That he lets us raise this child up in His name, and that this baby grows to be someone who changes the world for Christ.

I pray for this baby. I pray for my marriage. I pray for Matt and I as we become parents. Most of all, I pray that I can trust God in this...our biggest adventure.

Squooshy this week...

Here is what our little Squooshy is up to at week 10:

By the end of Week 10, your baby graduates from embryo to fetus, which literally means "little one." It also translates to "I'm just going to keep getting bigger and bigger and so are you!" Other highlights this week:

• Your baby has finally morphed from a little tadpole into, well, a baby. Not only is the face more human-like, but that unflattering "tail" (really just the developing spinal cord) has disappeared, fusing into the spinal column.

• Your baby now has discernible fingers and toes, which will explain the steady stream of kicks and punches you'll feel down the line.

• Junior's skeleton is starting to grow and harden. The ears are beginning to take shape and the eyelids are no longer transparent. Tooth buds are forming, although your baby won't get any teeth until six or seven (or eight or nine or 10) months after birth.

• Baby's brain will make an incredible 25,000 new neurons every minute this week. While you may feel like you're losing as many as he's gaining, we can assure you it's not permanent. "Pregnancy brain," like nausea and bloating, is a temporary symptom that soon shall pass. (And then you'll get "Mommy brain," but we won't go there now.)

• If you're baby is a boy, he's started producing that macho hormone testosterone. And whether your baby is a boy or a girl, the kidneys are creating copious amounts of urine. Lucky for you, you won't have to change a diaper for another 30 weeks.

• Baby weighs only 4 grams and measures 1 1/2 inches, about the size of a mondo Brazil nut.

Squooshy this week...

Here's what Squooshy is up to this week:

Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks.

Daddy Books

One thing that I do a lot is read. Unfortunately, I have a form of literary ADD, so typically it takes me a couple months to get through a book, primarily because I'm trying to read four or five at a time. However, Katie asked me the other night if I was going to ready any "daddy books." I hadn't really put a lot of thought into it. So, I'm asking for a bit of help. Any suggestions for good "daddy books" out there? I'll try to read a couple in the next 31 weeks, but I don't want to waste my time (or money) on daddy books that aren't very good.

Leaving on a jet plane...

Tomorrow morning I will be leaving for Atlanta for a week-long class at Candler Seminary. I'm a member of PAUMCS - the Professional Association of United Methodist Church Secretaries - and this class is a certification institute. I'm not entirely sure what we will be learning, but MONTHS ago (when I signed up) I was sure I wanted to do it. Granted, I didn't know then that I would be a pregnant, tired, nauseous mess now, but I still want to participate in the class.

I hate to fly. I know the statistics say that I'm safer in the air than I am on the ground, but I still don't like to fly. Gravity and I have an understanding. I am a large woman, and as such, gravity makes sure that I am as close to the ground as possible at all times. Defying this arrangement seems unnatural, thus filling any time I spend on a plane with anxiety. Also - I had a really rough flight on the way to New Orleans earlier this year - one in which I was SURE the plane was going down, and I spent the better part of the flight clinging to my sister in fright and praying incoherently out loud - so flying REALLY doesn't sit well with me right now. Then take into account the fact that I am pregnant, and this has somehow created an anxious beast inside what was already an anxious beast, and well...you get the picture. Tomorrow will be hell.

I hate being away from Matt - especially now that I am having this baby. I will miss him terribly, and will count down the days until Saturday when he pics me up at the airport in Indy. I'm nervous about having to be alert all day every day for 6 days straight. I've been so tired and sick lately, that I've been spending a lot of time in bed. This week will definitely be hard! I'm just hoping to get some good shopping in, learn a lot in class, and make some good friends with my other classmates.

Okay - I have to pack now. We'll see if I get time to blog in ATL. :)